The Critical Eye

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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Top Ten: "Oh @#$% Now What Happens?" Moments of 2009

Listed below are some key 2009 moments when these individuals probably uttered the words "Oh @#$% now what happens?" to themselves:

1. Tiger woods as his wife reached for the golf club.
2. The former Governor of North Carolina -Mark Sanford- (In Argentina) when he
realized the jig was up.
3. Kanye West after interrupting Taylor's Swift's speech at the Video Music Awards.
4. The Underwear bomber as his crotch caught on fire.
5. The National Enquirer reporter assigned to Michael Jackson when he found out he
was dead.
6. Joe Wilson after he shouted "You lied!" at President Obama in Congress.
7. William Gates Jr, after the cops put the handcuffs on him for talking smack.
8. Chris Brown after he was done beating Rihanna.
9. Dick Cheney as they wheeled him down to witness Obama's inauguration.
10.Serena Williams after she was done cursing at the lines person.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

I kicked my self again, for not having sent out Christmas cards in time, nor having bought you or you a gift, I caught myself mid stride and recognized that my best gift will require no money, no long lines in a store. I realize that God gifted me with something special. The ability to reach deep into the rushing torrent of blood in my veins, skimming through capillaries, veins, and arteries to give voice to life.

So my gift to you, won't require wrestling any soccer mums to the ground, nor battling some trench coat clad teenager for the last Wii. I have avoided the long line at Macy's, and circumvented the cars vying for a parking spot at the mall. No my gift to you; I give from the lazy, loungers comfort of my living room couch, laptop on blanket, hot chocolate in tow. You will not be able to wear it, or play it on your new IPOD or I-Phone.

Fond as I am of the myriad of presents Christmas brings, I recognize only too often that we must now learn martial arts, aggressive driving techniques and even new insults during the holiday season. The antagonistic shop-aholic tone that permeates the air is palpable. What are you getting? What do you want? Where is it on sale? Retail marketing blitzes have become the new air of the season. Even the beauty of snow has been deemed uninviting, because it is seen as an interference with the ability to shop.

It has become shallow, this Christmas spirit, real shallow. The march to de-Christianize Christmas is taking root as kids want more from Santa Claus than they do from the Nativity story. Not to be undone, the Churches have ratcheted up their church activity to match the cacophony of sales and early bird specials being offered by stores. Between the shopping and church mandated activity, what should be a restful time now feels like a week preparing for the Olympics.

I still haven't got to your present have I? Well, that's the tricky part. You see, your expectation is probably high. You're wondering what it is I will replace with those IPOD speakers you were expecting. What about the IPOD shuffle you had your eye on? That would be nice. Unfortunately, you will get none of these from me this year or any other. See the true meaning of Christmas for me has soon become the acknowledgment that I am an anti-shopper. I have joined the rebel alliance against the malls, leading logical raids on distant planets such as home and couch. I have enlisted the help of other aliens species such as myself whose main cause is; "the debunking of retail foolishness."

So, as you deftly rip open your wrapping and dive into the folds, looking for your gift, I hope you find this; "That Jesus was born around and about this time, many years ago, That whoever this Jesus was, He became special enough that several days in mankind's calendar were dedicated to something related to Him. His impact was so noticeable that even other religions had to acknowledge His relevance. Come to think of it, whole civilizations have made their way of life around His word eventually naming the day after Him."

My present to you is that somewhere along your walk in this life, you will encounter the comfort and peace that knowing brings. That your days no matter how happy, can be happier. That your burdens no matter how heavy, can be lighter. That the story in the birth, is a reminder about rebirth, symbolic, as a whole in its simplicity, yet overwhelming in its completeness. That in your definition of Christmas you will acknowledge the futility of carnal gratification and secure the suppleness of spiritual rejuvenation. That, is my gift to you.